A Life of Leaving Chapters 1-7

A Life of Leaving

 

Second Edition

A Life of Leaving

By Linda Lucille Romine

This book is a work of fiction.  All names, places, characters, and events, in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is coincidental.

Part One
Chapter 1
The Straw Fedora

The morning sun peeks through her window. Laura awakens to the promise of another warm summer day. The scent of pancakes, syrup, and sausage drifts up the stairs and into her room.
A rumble glides across her stomach. She’s hungry, yet she doesn’t want to get up before recording every detail from her colorful dream into her memory. Sleeping is Laura’s way of inventing a magical world without worry or fear, unlike yesterday.

Last night, her dream was filled with bright cartoon figures at a dazzling amusement park decorated in bold reds and blues. She squeezes her eyes shut to slip back into that dream.
Unfortunately, her thoughts drift back to yesterday, when she got in trouble. She had to stand in the corner, listening to her parents argue over her punishment. Their voices grew louder and louder. It seemed like hours until she could finally sit down again, and hours until the shouting stopped.

Pushing those thoughts out of her mind, she remembers what day it is. Tossing the covers aside, she steps out of bed, her feet meeting the cool floor, and she sprints down the steps in her short, white, ruffled nightgown.

It’s 1966. Laura and her family live in a modest two-story house set along a country road in Brownsville, Pennsylvania.
Laura enters the bright, sunlit kitchen, looking pensive. Donny, the youngest, sits in his highchair eating fresh berries. Her other four siblings enjoy their breakfast while talking about games and swimming at the lake. Dad’s empty coffee cup remains at the head of the white Formica table. Laura hears him out in the driveway, fiddling with the car, relieved he’s not in the kitchen.
Laura drifts over to Mom, who is busy flipping pancakes and cooking sausage. She nuzzles Mom’s leg and peers up with her smiling brown eyes.

“Good morning, Laura Lu,” Mom says, glancing down at her middle child.

“Is Dad gonna let us all go to the picnic today?” Laura asks, hopeful and wide-eyed.

Glen interrupts. “Yeah, Laura, everyone’s going. Everyone but you! Someone has to stay and wash the dishes, and it might as well be you since you already got in trouble yesterday.”

Laura’s face warms and tightens to a frown—a usual reaction to Glen’s mischievous nature. He sticks his tongue out at Laura, laughing as his shoulders shake almost uncontrollably.

Laura’s eyes water, and she turns her attention back to Mom, who pats her back. “Go sit down, Laura—I’ll bring your breakfast. And yes, we’re all going, except your brother, if he keeps up this poor behavior.” Mom glares at Glen.

Laura sticks her tongue out at her brother as she reaches the table. He rolls his eyes at her. “Well, Laura, stop getting us all in trouble by screaming so loud outside.”

Mom plates another pancake. “Glen, let’s stop blaming others and apologize to your sister. Come to think of it, you can wash the dishes before you dress for the picnic. I’d suggest you start right after you finish your pancakes.”

Glen sulks. “Jeez, I was just messing around!”

“Well, you’re the oldest. I expect better from you. Older brothers are supposed to support their siblings—instead of teasing.”

“Okay, okay. I will. Just please don’t give me any more chores.”

Darlene smirks at Laura and Katie after witnessing this whole ordeal. She perks up and takes the chance to change the subject.

“Hey, Glen, how’s Lily? Um, Katie and Laura, Glen’s been hanging out with his friend Ricky, and he’s got a sister. Lily.”

He shrinks into his seat as his face turns a light shade of red.

“He likes her a lot, don’t you, Glen? Lily, Lily, Lily!” The girls, including their youngest sister, Sammy, giggle. Once

Sammy laughs, Donny lights up, letting out a big belly laugh.

Glen snarls, “Stop it. I mean it! Mom, Darlene’s teasing me now. Tell her to stop.”

Mom sets the pan down on the stove. “Okay, kids, no more unkind words to each other or no outing today. Now, finish eating and prepare yourselves for the day.”

A moment later, Dad storms into the kitchen like a tornado, letting the screen door slam behind him. The children jump at the noise.

“What’s this nonsense? Eat your food, go to your rooms, make your beds, and get dressed. We leave here at 11 a.m. sharp.”

They all nod in unison. When Dad gives orders, the kids listen up. Fooling about could bring trouble.
Dad’s stature and resonant voice are more than enough to intimidate the family. His raised voice causes the children to freeze or stand at attention. For Laura, it only takes a glance.

Her dad looks like a nice man with his thick dark brown hair and eyebrows. But his deep-set brown eyes sometimes look distant and other times, just scary to her. She wishes he were nicer to all of them. Today, he’s in a fair mood with his blue shorts, striped polo shirt, and a straw fedora, ready for the picnic.

Laura recalls the stories Dad told the children about his childhood. One story he repeats often.
Dad, whose name is Ned, grew up with a brother and a sister. He had both parents until age ten, when a fire claimed his mother’s life. His father remarried—his teacher—making things awkward. At seventeen, he graduated, and his father sent him away that very same day.

His dad said, “You’re a man now, Ned, with an education. It’s time to leave. Pack your things and I’ll take you to the army headquarters in town, or you can try your luck with the railroad.”

He told his father, “Sir, I’ll join the service—I’ll gather my stuff.” There was no time to decide or think about what he wanted. No discussions meant no disagreements, no animosity, and only acquiescence. Laura asked him if she and her siblings would also have to join the army. He gave her an upside-down smile and said, “Maybe.”

Laura watches her father’s mood and is delighted with her parents’ sentiments. Her dad rarely shows heartfelt emotions in front of the family. This morning could be one of the better days, Laura imagines.

“Ned, you appear to be in a fine mood. Going out for the day beats going to work, right?” Mom asks him.

“It should be a pleasant day. I’m glad you talked me into going last night after all that commotion. Sorry, dear.”
Mom smiles. “Of course, I’m happy you feel that way.”

Dad says, “I needed a break; the Inn was jumping Thursday night. I was lucky to be done by eleven. Most of the town will be at the picnic, so the restaurant won’t be busy.”

Dad takes a moment to appreciate his wife. “That dress is lovely on you!”

“Thanks, it’s perfect for the picnic.”

He picks up the bags and blankets, takes them out to the car, and tosses them into the trunk.
Laura stares at her mother in awe. Mom sports a floral scarf around a portion of her dark-red hair. Her green flowered dress makes her eyes shine like emeralds, highlighting her fair skin and smooth complexion.
Mom radiates warmth and affection, exuding a loving and nurturing presence. Her qualities evoke an endearing love from the children. Despite Dad overseeing the discipline, she can still be strict if needed.

Pam grew up on a seventy-two-acre farm in North Belle Vernon, Pennsylvania. Her father, Jackson, worked at the Pittsburgh Steel Company, while her mother, Lucille, worked the farm and cared for the family. She learned the way a farm operates at an early age and was creative and active in school, participating in plays as a vocalist and playing the piano. One of four children, Pam is the oldest, followed by Jack, Jean, and Joe. Their family shared a strong bond while growing up and loved living in the country.

The slight breeze welcomes the family to the picnic. Their faces light up as the tantalizing aroma of grilled hamburgers and hotdogs surrounds them. Displays of vibrant festive decorations brighten the park, and balloons float free as young children chase them, laughing.

Outdoor tables sit under large maple trees that provide shade from the warm sun. Organizers set up games and activities by the lake. Kids dig frantically through a giant haystack, searching for shiny silver and copper coins. Some high school girls and boys volunteer as lifeguards and monitor the swimming area.
Pam and Ned set up the table and spread out blankets. Donny and Sammy stay with them, and Pam lets the others join their friends once they agree to return for lunch in one hour.

Beth and Jim, their friends and neighbors, come by their picnic spot with their daughter, Sandy.

“Your dress! So bright and summer-like!” Beth always opens conversations with a compliment. 

Pam smiles. “Thank you. Something light for the warm weather.”

Pam peeks at Sandy, sheepishly hiding behind her mother’s skirt. “Sandy, I see you back there!” 

She leans down to her level. “Laura’s over by the haystack with the others. Why don’t you go find them?”

Beth smiles at Sandy and gestures over to the haystack. Sandy nods and runs off.

Jim and Ned remain in their own world, conversing about cars and work until Beth interrupts them.

“Honey, can you and Ned find us something to drink while we watch the kids?”

“Yup.” Jim looks over at Ned. “I’m sure we can find something refreshing around here.”

Ned nods. “Right behind you.”

The ladies wait over twenty minutes at the table with no sign of Ned and Jim’s return. Pam suggests taking the two youngest, Donny and Sammy, for a stroll through the park. Beth agrees as she watches her place Donny in his stroller. Pam keeps a close eye on Sammy, who sometimes likes to wander.

Along the way, they come upon drink stands and order margaritas. They enjoy their cocktails on a nearby park bench, the only still subjects while a busy crowd rushes around them. Conversations about the war, riots in Cleveland, and politics take the lead among the surrounding groups.

Suddenly, a man emerges from the crowd with two young boys by his side, one five and the other seven. A fellow named Jared, whose gaze towards Pam hasn’t gone unnoticed, cozies up to her and flirts. It’s clear she enjoys the attention. 

After his boys tug on him, showing their impatience, he leads them, along with Donny and Sammy, to pet the park’s farm animals. This is the first moment Pam can sip her drink and relax with friends, almost making her forget her husband’s unexplained absence.

Time passes, and the ladies start back towards their picnic spot. They find Jim and the children waiting at the table.

“Hey Jim, what happened to Ned?” Pam asks. 

“Oh, I left him over by the farm area; he was talking to an old friend he ran into.”

She takes this in for a moment. “Thanks, I’ll round him up.” Beth and Jim go back to their picnic spot with Sandy. 

Pam says, “Darlene, Glen, watch the little ones. I’ll be right back—going to grab your father.

The kids agree, and Pam heads to the barn, wondering who her husband encountered. Music flows inside a large building where volunteers prepare the dance floor. She hurries in, glances around, and asks if anyone has seen him. One man overhears her. 

“Oh, the guy with the striped shirt and blue shorts?” 

“That’s him, yes.”

“He and another fellow walked out the back towards the lake a while ago.”

She nods slightly furrowing her brow. “Okay, thanks.”

Pam continues out the back door. Splashing and laughter become apparent as she approaches the beach. From the opposite direction, voices echo through the field. The sun glares, making it difficult to make out anything in front of her. 

Relying on her hearing, she moves towards the voices. The muffled voices fade behind a large oak tree, leaving only moaning sounds. 

Now uncertain of where Ned is, she stumbles upon two men embracing. Unable to fully identify their faces, she backs up and quickly turns away, coming upon Ned’s straw fedora in the grass. 

She gasps, standing completely frozen. The men glance over and are met with Pam’s bulging eyes and a hand over her mouth. She storms off. Ned tucks his shirt in, picks up his hat, and runs after her.

Pam returns to the table, rushing to prepare everyone’s food. Ned approaches her as she continues to focus on the lunch.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stay gone so long. Jim and I were at the barn, and we had a couple of drinks. Then my friend Brent showed up. We went to school together. I haven’t eaten much today—the beer must have gone right to my head.”

Pam shoots a glance at him. “Ned, not now, the kids . . . how could you?”

“Sorry Pam! It meant nothing.”

“Quiet, please. Not now.” 

Ned’s apologetic expression quickly turns to wrath. “Who do you think you are, telling me when I can speak? It’s your fault. I came back with wine, but you’re at the margarita tent surrounded by men, flaunting yourself at them. What do you expect while you put your hands all over other men? Bullshit!”

Pam stares at him, regretful of her choice to be stern. “That’s untrue, and you know it.”

“Pack this shit up. We’re going home.”

“But we can’t leave . . . the kids want to stay and play. Can we just forget it and finish the day? Here, help me with the food.”

He moves in close to her face and speaks with a low violent growl. “Pack this shit up and put it into the car. We’re leaving.”

His voice rises. “Kids, grab your things and go to the parking lot. Party’s over.” The children understand when their dad’s harsh tone comes out. Pam fights, to no avail, to keep from trembling in front of them, and the children act with haste. No one dares to say a word. They gather their belongings and hurry to the car as the weight of their father’s sharp words rolls over them like a thick fog.

Silent tension fills the car on the way home. Ned’s eyes appear dark and cold. His mouth clenches as he grips the steering wheel like he’s holding on for his life. They reach the railroad tracks, and Ned’s negligent driving sends the car flying over the rails. Katie bumps her head on the ceiling and cries.

Ned turns his head sharply towards Katie. “Shut up! Not a word out of anyone!” 

Driving down the road at speeds beyond control, Pam pictures her mother and father, and prays they make it home safely. She understands breathing one word towards Ned could increase his anger to the point of a tragic outcome, like not making it home.

Once they arrive at the house, everyone goes in separate directions. Pam puts Donny down to nap, and the kids go outside to play. 

Pam enters the kitchen and takes a glass from the cabinet. As she turns the water on to fill the glass, Ned comes from behind her, grabs her arm, and twists her forcefully around to face him. The glass slips from her hand and crashes to the floor.

“What the hell did you say to me?”

Pam cries, “Nothing, I didn’t say anything! Just leave me alone!”

He lunges towards her, and she moves quickly to grab the wall phone. Once she has the receiver in her hand, she reaches to dial the police, when his hand comes down, smacking the receiver out of her hand. Pam sobs while scrambling for the handset, which has fallen from the wall to the floor. When she looks up, Laura and Sammy are at the screen door, and Ned has his fist at the ready. She screams. “Stop, the kids, Ned, don’t!”

Ned turns to the screen door. Laura has Sammy pressed to her side, and he relaxes his arm. 

“Daddy, don’t hurt Mommy!’ Sammy cries.” 

Laura whisks Sammy away from the door. “Shh . . . shh, it’s okay.”

Moments later, Pam rushes out of the house mumbling to herself. She jumps into the car and fumbles with the keys to start the engine. The car finally starts, but it’s too late. Ned swings the door open and drags her out onto the asphalt as sharp pebbles and rocks cut open her knees. She pushes back as they shout at each other.

Pam tries to stand up, and he yanks her back down. “Ned, stop! You’re scaring the kids! Let me go!”

“You’re not going anywhere! Give me the keys!”

“Stop it! I’m leaving—I’m never coming back, you bastard!”

Ned stops for a moment. His body relaxes as Pam leans into the side of the car. He looks over her. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Just don’t leave, please?”

Pam sits on the pavement. Both knees are bruised and bleeding. He sits down next to her, holding onto her arm, as if he’s afraid she’ll try to run off again.

“Please, Pam. Don’t leave. Come inside. I’m sorry, I’m begging you to come back into the house. We all need you so much . . . forgive me! I promise never to do this again. Won’t you come in with me?”

She slowly peers up at him. Tears and dirt stain her face, and her eyelids are red and puffy. Her beautiful dress is now torn and covered with dirt, and blood runs down her legs. Exhausted and defeated, she shakes her head at him.

“No, I can’t take this anymore. Look at me, at us, Ned. We’re sitting in the driveway, broken. The kids they’re huddled together on the porch. What are we doing to these children? God help me and them and let me go. Let us all go!”

Pam glances at the youngest girls, watching from the porch, quietly holding onto each other. Ned continues to beg and plead. Pam finally gets up and reluctantly goes into the house with him. As they reach the screen door, he turns to Laura.

“Care for your sister. It’s okay. We’re fine now—Mom’s staying home. Go out back and find Darlene. Tell her to come in and help you.”

Chapter 2

Laura sprints down the steps, holding Sammy’s hand tight as they hurry to the backyard. Sammy shivers and mumbles about Daddy hurting Mommy. Laura spots her sisters sitting under one of the laden apple trees and shuffles over to them.

Darlene asks, “What’s wrong, Laura? Why is Sammy so upset?”

“Mom and Dad were fighting so bad. It got scary. She was gonna leave, but he begged her not to go. He’s trying to be better now and not so mad, but it’s scary. Mom’s crying, and her legs are bleeding bad. Dad told me to tell you to come help with Sammy and Donny.”

“Oh, perfect, so it’s happening again! I hate this. I just hate this shit!” Katie says with disgust in her voice.

“Don’t say bad words. You’ll be in so much trouble if Dad finds out,” says Darlene.

“Whatever. I’m tired that every time we try to have fun, he gets so mad, Mom cries—it’s all such stupid shit. I hate them.”

“Stop, Katie, right now.”

“No, I don’t care. I can’t wait to grow up and never be around them again. Dumbasses.”

“Katie, ENOUGH!” Darlene yells.

Laura whines at Katie’s scowling. Sammy sniffles, and Darlene pulls them both onto her lap and comforts them.

“Laura, where’s Glen? He should have been on the porch with you.”

“I don’t know, but maybe he went to Ricky’s. They didn’t go to the picnic today.”

“Okay, come on, let’s go back inside. Dad is probably better now, so everything will be okay. Let’s be quiet when we go in, and I’ll fix some hotdogs. After we eat, we’ll go upstairs and play before bedtime.”

Heading towards the house, Laura stiffens as Glen’s haughty voice rings out.

“Hey, you pip-squeakers, whatcha doing now? Trying to climb the apple trees? Forget it. You’re not as strong as a boy.”

Darlene quickly shoots him a glare. “Where were you, Glen? I thought you were on the porch with Laura and Sammy. They were alone, and Mom and Dad started fighting. You can’t ever leave them when they’re fighting.”

“Jeez, sorry. Shit. I thought they stopped.”

“If you don’t quit using bad words, Dad’s gonna find out, and you and Katie will be in the basement with the strap!”

“Okay, okay, I’d never leave if I thought something would happen. Why do our parents have to be so crazy and mad? What are we doing wrong, Darlene?”

“I don’t know, but it’s getting worse and worse every day now. We need to care for the others, and you help too, Katie. If we make sure everyone’s okay and if we just do more, maybe…,” she sighs, “maybe things can return to normal.” Like they used to be.”

Laura relives the morning; her mom and dad were both happy. What happened? Did we do something bad? What is normal? I don’t remember before. 

The kids go to bed early that night. Laura reaches the stairs and glances into the dark living room at her mom’s face, lit only by the light emitting from the TV. With swollen eyes and flushed cheeks, she shows no emotion. Dad sits close to her on the sofa, smoking a cigarette. He hands it to her, and she pushes his hand back. She gazes straight ahead, disengaged from his attempt for forgiveness, her children, and everything around her.

Chapter 3

While Pam prepares breakfast the following morning, thoughts about her marriage bounce around in her mind. She’s with a man who has no interest in her, and yesterday confirms her suspicions that their relationship is just a facade. 

Everything makes sense now. Pam desperately tried to ignite a response from him countless times but always ended with nothing to show. She understands all the whispers and raised eyebrows from peers now after seeing it with her own eyes. Thirteen years of marriage, all built on lies. Why?

Pam, continuing to move and flow through the kitchen, reminisces about the first time she met him and how charming he appeared.

Pam met Ned when he was twenty-five, and she was twenty. She worked at the town’s bank, and he held a job at a grocery store nearby. After his first visit to the bank, he always waited for her window to be available. After numerous visits to her work, necessary or not, he asked her to a movie and dinner.

Ned was always a complete gentleman and never pushed himself on her. Sometimes, Pam wished he would. As a charismatic young man, he continuously poured on the charm. Dancing in the streets with her while they strolled often made her laugh.

ONE EVENING after dinner at Marty’s Diner, they walked the quiet and empty streets in town. It was the type of town that fell asleep after six. Only a couple of bars remained open. 

“Pam, how long will you work at the bank?”

“What do you mean? I haven’t thought of it before. I guess until I marry or have a baby.”

“Sounds good, doesn’t it?”

She snickered. “Well, which part? Stopping work, getting married, or having a baby?”

Ned looked at her. “I want a family. I aim to work for a large corporation and earn a substantial income. I’m thinking it’s time I leave this place and go to Pittsburgh.”

“And what would you do there?”

“Well, I read about job openings at Atlantic National Resources.”

“Are you saying you’re leaving?”

Ned sighed as Pam looked away. She spots the bench by the hardware store and sat down. He sat next to her, removed his hat, and placed it beside him. 

“Hey, I’m thinking I might get a job there. They are taking applications next week. I have experience from the army, and I’m tired of working here at the store. There’s just more opportunity there.”

Pam turned back towards him. “Well, say so. If you’re going to leave, why wait?” 

She spun herself around with her back facing him again. She muttered, “Just say it.”

“Hey, don’t be so sad. Could I leave without you? Please look at me.”

She obliged and swiveled towards him. In Ned’s hand was a shiny, round diamond solitaire ring in a black velvet box. She gasped. 

“I want you to marry me, Pam. Will you marry me?”

“Yes, Ned! Oh my gosh, yes!”

Taking the ring from the box, he placed it on her finger and pulled her off the bench, initiating another dance in the streets. 

Within six months of meeting each other, they were married. But on their wedding night, she witnessed a different side of him.

Pam pulls bowls and cereal from the cabinet and places them on the table. She sits down for a moment, and images of her wedding come to her mind.

Pam turns heads in her satin-and-lace, ivory dress. Her red hair created a lovely contrast against the crystal-studded tiara and floor-length veil that flowed down her back, adorned with delicate embroidered lace. 

Ned stood by the liquor table and poured himself another drink. He was dashing; his black three-piece tuxedo was clearly tailored to fit his physique. 

“Honey, we should go. Mom’s cleaning up. It’s been a long day and everyone’s leaving.”

He raised his head slightly and eyed her while he screwed the whiskey cap back on. “Not yet.”

“Okay, I’ll go change and help Mom. But then we need to prepare to leave.”

His brow furrowed as his eyes burned with fury. His grip tightened around the glass. With a harsh gulp, he downed the drink and lashed out in a low, menacing tone. “I’ll leave when I’m good and ready. Back the hell off. You do as I say. That’s the way it works now.”

Pam stepped back and swallowed, and her eyes widened. Ned’s response was immediate and explosive. His words came at her like fast, sharp daggers that pierced her heart. 

She moved away slowly and returned to her mother in a daze. Tired, her mother kept going, still trying to provide the perfect day for her daughter. 

“Mom, please go rest now. I’ll change and then finish up with Jean’s help.”

“Nonsense, Lucille, it’s your wedding day. Don’t worry about a thing. Now go put on that adorable honeymoon dress so you can leave with your husband.” Pam’s shocked expression quickly turned back to normal before her mother noticed. 

Pam kissed her on the cheek. “Mom, you just called me Lucille. You’re tired, please go rest. I’m going to change, and I’ll be right back.” 

Lucille smiled. “Oh dear, I must be thinking of my own wedding. Okay, honey, I guess it’s been a long day for me after all.”

Pam hurried to change and returned to help. By now, only a few guests remained. The two sisters, now cleaning, insisted once again that their mother go and rest.

“Jean, Mom called me Lucille. She’s tired, but that worries me.”

“That’s funny but odd. Why would she call you by her name? If she said Jean, that’s normal, hmmm.” 

Jean shrugged her shoulders. “Don’t worry, Pam, she’s fine, just exhausted. This reception took a lot out of her.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks for helping.”

Pam went to speak with her father in his study, while Ned was distracted, talking to one of the last guests. She confided in him, explaining what had transpired. She informed him she didn’t want to leave with Ned that night or any other night.

Her father said, “It’s just wedding night jitters, dear. You must go with your husband now.”

“Dad, I’ll go if you think it’s fine he did that.”

“Everyone is overwhelmed, even your mom, the event was larger than we expected.”

“Dad, is Mom okay, or have you noticed anything different about her. She called me Lucille earlier?”

Jackson quickly turned away, then back to Pam, adding more tobacco to his pipe. “Darling daughter, this is a happy day for you, stop worrying. Mom is fine, and your husband is too, now go upstairs, change and hurry back down.”

Pam left with Ned that night, which marked the start of a loveless union.  Two years after Lucille showed signs of illness at Pam’s wedding, she was diagnosed with brain cancer and died just a few months after Darlene was born. Losing her mother devastated Pam. She couldn’t fathom how this world could take away such a beautiful person at only forty-seven.

Pam made every effort to treat Ned as her sole focus. She constantly begged him to love her, but the only love she received was from her children.

Ned rarely made love to her or showed affection across all thirteen years of marriage. Pam could count the times they were intimate, which almost matched the number of children they had. After years of longing for Ned’s affection, eventually, she sought love elsewhere. Ned’s main objective was to provide for the children financially and discipline them. He was often angry and aloof or prioritized work and parties with friends.

On the day of the picnic, his rare attempt to be a loving husband and do right by her was unsuccessful again. Over the years, Pam learned how to deal with the persistent episodes from him. Lately, it seemed more challenging than ever.

Ned enters the kitchen and offers more apologies for yet another bout of anger. He stands by while Pam adds butter to the stack of toast at the counter.

“Tell me what’s going on with you. Are you gay?” He doesn’t respond. “It makes sense to me now. I thought you didn’t find me attractive all this time. Why would you marry me if you don’t like women?” 

He moves closer to her. “Never say that word to me again. I’m not that way. You don’t understand what happened yesterday.”

“You’ll really deny what I saw? You fondled that man.” 

He turns away and quickly glances back at her. “No, I wasn’t. We were pushing each other around. I was drunk, Pam! We laughed and talked about old times, that’s all. Nothing else happened.”

“Okay. What about those who approach me at the Inn? The people who constantly inquire about you. What about that?”

Ned folds his arms and glares at her. “Who? What do they ask you?”

“One night, a customer complained about you putting your hand on his leg. He said he almost hit you. Haven’t seen him there since.”

“That’s a lie! He probably wanted to be in your pants!”

“Oh my gosh, honestly!” 

“Listen to me Pam, loud and clear. Never speak of such absurdities or question me like that again, got it?” Pam continues to butter toast. 

“Answer me!” 

She senses him getting irate again. After buttering the last piece of toast, she twists around, void of emotion. “Yes, I understand. You’ll never hear that from me again.”

Chapter 4

In the following summer of 1967, the family moves again, from Brownsville to Green Tree, Pennsylvania. Laura’s family has lived in four different places in six years. Laura turns seven in September.

No one expresses excitement about relocating, let alone attending a new school. When they arrive at the house, Laura examines the unbelievably long driveway before reaching the side entrance. The place is ancient and looks decrepit from the outside.

Laura asks, “Mom, is this where we’re gonna live? It’s so old . . . it’s . . . um . . . broken.”

Mom sighs. “Don’t fret. It’s fine inside. Just a few things to tidy up.”

Katie rolls her eyes at Laura. Darlene and Glen are speechless, with their mouths agape.

Stepping into the house, she hears her father’s voice echoing through the rooms as he directs the movers to position each item. 

The house’s side door, currently the only entrance, is visible from the driveway. The main entrance has double doors facing a considerable hill, hidden by brush and vines. Up on that hill sit beautiful, more prominent, and newer homes.

The kitchen is a small area of dark wooden counters and walls. The stove, oven, and refrigerator, have a 1920s impression. The brown floor is a collection of large planks of worn-out wood laid many years ago, resembling something used before linoleum flooring was the norm. To the right, an entryway leads to a family and dining room. There is ample space for a couch, small TV, and toy box and enough room for the Formica table with the red apples.

The great room, accessed through the family room, has an enormous fireplace that is essential to Laura. She views it optimistically, filled with her family on a holiday or perhaps a Sunday night, watching the Wonderful World of Disney. She imagines enjoying a warm fire and hot buttery popcorn her mom would make.

Mom and Dad’s primary bedroom is down a long hallway from this room. At the end of the hall, stairs lead to four decently sized bedrooms and a bathroom. All the rooms have enormous windows and wood floors, but the home has a scary, dark, and dreary ambiance. After a few weeks and many hours of work, the house is clean and livable.

Mom and Dad seem to run on autopilot, with few conversations or interactions between them. School starts, and life moves on without too many awful incidents. Arguments occur occasionally but are less severe than a year ago. Mom and Dad continue to work at the Inn on weekends. Dad works every weekend, and Mom only works two Saturdays a month and a couple of weeknights.

One Sunday a month, they pile the kids in the car and take them to church. This Sunday is Easter. Everyone dresses in their best outfit, coat, and hat. Donny has a slight fever and Darlene volunteers to stay with him.

Glen and Sammy climb into the back seat of the blue four-door Plymouth. Katie and Laura are standing outside of the car, admiring each other’s hats, when Katie grabs Laura’s and turns it sideways, then giggles.

Katie, gosh! Laura sighs.

Dad yells from inside the car. “Girls, get in here, it’s time to go!”

The kids all fit, but sometimes it could be tight. Despite having extra room today, Katie pushes back on Laura and complains about her sitting on her coat, making it impossible for Katie to move. Laura attempts to lift herself off the coat but fails, and they argue. 

A slap resonates in the car. Laura’s face stings, and numbness follows as blood gushes from her nose. The others freeze while sadness sweeps over their faces.

Mom hears her sobs as she reaches the car and rushes to open the door in time to watch Dad hand her his hanky.

“What happened?!”

“She was acting out, so I took care of it.”

“By hitting her? You made her bleed—damn you!” She slams the front car door, opens the back, and pulls Laura out. She takes her inside and gives her a cold rag for her face.

“I’m sorry, honey. Dad shouldn’t have done that. Do you want to stay home with Darlene?”

“I don’t want to go anymore. He scares me. I didn’t do anything to Katie, Mom.”

“Try not to cry anymore. Your nose won’t stop bleeding until you stop.”

Sniffling, she says, “Okay, I’ll try.” 

Mom snuggles her and explains to Darlene what happened. Despite not wanting to go anywhere with Dad, Mom leaves with the family so the others won’t be alone with his brutish behavior.

Darlene is coloring while Donny plays on the floor with toys. “Sorry Dad did that. He’s so mean sometimes.”

“I didn’t even do anything. Katie kept leaning on me, and so I pushed her back, then he smacked me.”

Darlene shifts to create space for Laura. “Want to come over and color with me?”

She smiles and sits down. “Okay.” Darlene gives her one of her books and pats her back.

“You start on that, and I’ll be right back.” 

Darlene skips into the kitchen and cuts two slices of cake. She returns to the family room, and the girls happily color pictures and eat cake.

“Don’t be too mad at Katie. Sounds like Dad’s in another bad mood.”

“I know, but sometimes she’s so annoying.”

Katie takes after her mom, with dark-red hair and bright green eyes. Katie’s parents call her a “spitfire,” one who assumes risk regularly and always enlists a partner in crime, allowing her to blame someone else. Often, that someone else is Laura. Once, she insisted Laura play doctor with her, which resulted in the girls taking an entire bottle of baby aspirin. They spent the next few hours at the hospital. Katie claimed it was Laura’s idea, although Katie played the part of the physician. She took two tablets for every tablet she gave her patient.

A YEAR LATER, on the afternoon of May 1968, the kids are walking home from school when they see their mom drive by, heading towards town. 

Darlene says, “Hey, there goes Mom with Jared.”

Laura wrinkles her face. “Who’s Jared, Dar?”

“Oh, he’s Mom and Dad’s friend from the Inn.”

Laura asks, “How do you know him?

Glen chimes in. “He was the guy playing with Donny at the picnic last summer.”

Laura says, “Oh yeah, Mom kept talking about him. She said he started working with her and Dad. I hope Mom’s head is better. Why did Dad do that, Glen? I want him to stop hurting Mom.”

“I don’t know but try not to think about it. Let’s just go inside and do our homework and be extra good tonight.”

Katie complains. “Sure, sure, always have to be extra good, do more stuff, but he’ll still be pissed. What’s the difference?”

Darlene adds, “Maybe Jared was picking her up for work again. Then, she won’t be home till late, so maybe there won’t be any problems.” 

Later that evening, Dad arrives home with Donny and Sammy after collecting them from the sitter. He ushers them into the family room and finds Darlene and Laura doing homework at the table.

“Darlene, has your mother come back yet?”

“No, she isn’t here. Why do you have the little ones?”

“I’m not sure. The babysitter called asking me to pick them up.” He sighs. “We need to fix some food for dinner. Can you help me with that?”

“I can make some cheese sandwiches.”

“Okay.” Dad looks around. “Where’s Glen?”

Laura says, “He’s in his room doing his homework.” 

“Run upstairs and tell him to come down here, Laura.”

Laura rushes upstairs. “Glen, come downstairs. Dad said so.” 

Glen tosses his pencil and frowns. Glen enters the family room with Laura. 

Dad asks, “Did you see Mom leave today?”

“Um, yeah. I think Jared picked her up. I thought she was going to work.”

“Hmm, okay, maybe she got called in. She rarely works on Tuesdays, though.” 

Dad looks down for a moment and rubs his chin. “Go help Darlene with dinner. I’ll call the Inn.”

Glen asks, “Can I finish my homework first?”

“NO! Do it after.” Dad’s extremely loud voice causes Laura to jump.  

Glen nods to his father. “Okay, sorry.”

Dad phones the Inn to find out no one has seen her. His frustration lingers when he tells the children to bathe and prepare for bed right after dinner. Desperate to find out where her mother is, before heading upstairs, Laura approaches her dad.

“When’s Mom coming back?”

He snaps at her. “Laura, do as I say, and stop asking questions!”

Among all the children, Laura fears her father the most. He can make her freeze with just a stare. She mostly avoids him because of that, but she’s eager to hear him say her mom would be back soon. She runs up the steps and finds Darlene giving Sammy and Donny a bath.

“Dad screamed at me! He doesn’t know where Mom is. Is she coming home? Where is she?”

“I can’t tell you, but probably she’s working, and you’ll see her later.” Darlene pulls Donny out of the tub, wraps a towel around him, and frowns at Laura.

“Hey, stay out of Dad’s way, okay? And don’t be scared. I need help with Sammy. Can you get her out of the tub and dry her off?”

“Yes, I can help.” 

Katie paces in and out of the bathroom. Laura grabs the towel and guides Sammy out of the bath. Katie circles back, leans against the entryway, and raises her eyebrows.

“He’s pissed tonight. Watch out!” 

A week passes. Mom has not come home yet. Darlene takes over some of the daily chores, bathing the younger kids and making lunches. Katie and Glen help too. 

Their dad is usually bitter but tries to stay in control until one night when his anger overrules. After the kids go to bed, Donny wakes up crying. Darlene asks Laura or Katie to check on him because she’s exhausted and can’t fathom getting up again. Laura determines he has a wet diaper.

“He’s wet, Dar, and maybe he’s hungry. He won’t stop crying.” 

Darlene, being too tired, instructs Laura to tell Dad. Stopping at the top of the stairs, Laura calls down to him.

“Dad, Donny needs something, maybe a clean diaper. He’s upset.” 

She waits by the steps for his response, and seconds later, heavy feet startle her as he stomps up the stairs. 

“Go back to your room!” She backs up and hurries to her room. Katie sits up and sleepily wipes her eyes as Donny’s cries carry through the house.

Their father storms into the baby’s room, picks him up, and spanks him. This only causes Donny to cry harder. His dad puts him back in the crib, shouting at him to stop.

Katie whispers, “What’s going on?”

Laura cries softly. “Dad’s mad, and he’s spanking Donny.”

“GO TO SLEEP! STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!” 

The baby continues to wail. The pounding on the stairs roars through the hallway once more.

Katie whispers, “Stupid ass. I hate him so much!”

Laura whimpers, “Why did he do that?”

Katie says, “Shhh, I think he’s gone now. Let’s go to Darlene.” Once confident their father is downstairs, the girls quietly scramble out of bed and tiptoe to Darlene’s room.

The bedrooms have only their basic needs. Each room has a dresser and random linens on the beds. Darlene and Sammy’s room have a double bed and a twin. Katie and Laura share another room with two twin beds.

Glen’s room is the same, except for the addition of cars and baseball items. Donny’s room is the smallest, with only a crib and dresser. 

The girls get to Darlene as Sammy climbs into her bed. “I scared Dar,” cries Sammy.

Laura whines, “Why did Dad spank him? I wanted him to stop.”

Katie says, “Because he’s a jerk.” Darlene quiets them, and the girls clamber into her bed, worrying about Donny. Eventually, his cries taper off. He sobs softly, sniffles, and falls asleep. Glen’s still quiet in his room. 

Darlene says quietly, “Try to go to sleep. Donny’s okay now.” They cling to each other all night, too frightened to return to Donny’s room. 

The following morning, Laura scrambles out of bed and peeks in to check on Donny and finds Glen asleep on the rug below his crib while the baby lies quietly, sound asleep. 

Glen sits up and peers at her. “Oh, hey. Guess I fell asleep in here. Is it time for school?”

“You stayed here all night?” Laura asks. “That’s nice of you.”

“I waited until I was sure Dad left, then I came in here to help Donny sleep.”

A moment later, Laura turns to see the others filing into Donny’s room. The kids look at each other as the baby stirs, sits up, smiles, shoves his pacifier in his mouth, then lays his head back down.

“Thanks, Glen,” Darlene says.

Glen nods. “Yeah, we should get ready before he yells.”

“Okay, yeah. Guys, go get dressed. Katie, help Sammy. I’ll change Donny, then go downstairs. Be extra good, okay?”

While Laura puts her shoes on for school, sadness overwhelms her. Where’s our mother?

Chapter 5

Pam and Jared’s relationship started in January of 1965. Ten months into this affair, Jared left his home and two boys at the request of his wife, Jill. She asked him to leave, explaining their turbulent marriage was hurting their boys. The idea of staying in the same house for the kids’ sake was no longer working.

Having a place to meet whenever Pam manages to find time strengthens her and Jared’s relationship.

The phone rings at the apartment on Tuesday afternoon. Jared picks up the line as Pam’s voice breaks through.

“Hi, can you come and get me? The kids will be home in half an hour, but I need to get out of here. I’m breaking.”

“What happened?”

“I’ll tell you everything but please come now.”

“I’ll be right there, hang on.”

Clouds drift across the sun, leaving a coolness in the air as Pam waits by the kitchen door with her small suitcase. Her heart is pounding as she pulls her sweater tighter around her. Jared’s car turns into the long driveway as the sun emerges, making a harsh light from the chrome shine into Pam’s eyes.

She dashes out the kitchen door. He jumps out of the car, and his face changes, noticing the cut on her forehead. Pam falls into his arms.

“Please get me away from here. I can’t stand this life anymore. No more!”

“Okay. Do you have everything you need?”

Pam’s hands tremble as she passes him the suitcase. “Yes.”

“Alright, let’s go.” He rubs her shoulder. “It’ll be okay.” He guides her into the passenger seat, frowning at the gash on her forehead. She lays her head against the seat, tears streaming down her face. The sting above her eye throbs with every heartbeat. He puts the car in drive and hurries up the hill.

“Honey . . . he’s not home, is he?” Jared asks.

“No. I just hung up the phone on him. He was brutal again, of course. I talked to him last night, and all he did was yell horrible things at me. The kids were in bed, but I’m sure they heard everything.”

Jared’s voice softens. “You’re shaking . . . I’m sorry. You’re okay, Pam, I’ve got you.”

At the apartment, Pam collapses onto the sofa. Jared disappears into the bathroom and returns with a Band-Aid and ointment. She winces while he examines her cut and determines it’s bad but not in need of stitches. After he takes care of the wound, she’s calmer, and her tears subside. He brings her a box of tissues, and she wipes her eyes.

“Hey, beautiful, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Do you need some aspirin?”

“Yes, my head is throbbing, but more from the stress than the cut, I think.”

Jared hands her the aspirin and a glass of water. Pam gulps them down as her raw throat burns.

“What happened when you talked to Ned last night?”

Pam closes her eyes, and the words scorch in her mind as she repeats them. “He said ‘never.’ He’ll never give me a divorce, and if I try to leave, he’ll keep all the kids from me, and I’ll never see them again. There’s no amicable divorce happening here. He’s insane. Why does he want to continue this hell we’re living in?”

Jared curses under his breath. “Damn, you were right predicting his response—did you tell him about us?”

“I tried, but he became so irate when I brought up divorce that I couldn’t tell him. I don’t understand how he doesn’t suspect something, though. But this isn’t a normal marriage either. He never touches me.”

Jared pulls her close, and she sinks into his chest. Pam slowly unwinds and is safe in his arms.

“I don’t want to go back,” she whispers. “If I’m there when he comes home tonight it will start all over. He didn’t say a word to me this morning. He threw his coffee cup at me, right as I turned towards him. I didn’t even see it coming. The kids heard me scream when it hit me. I can’t stand him. I don’t know what to do.”

Jared grimaces and caresses her shoulders and back. “It irks the hell out of me to see you like this, not to mention your head! He’s unhinged. I’m sorry I suggested you talk to him.”

“It’s not your fault. I wanted to talk with him—we can’t go on living this way. Something has to change.”

“Let me make you a drink. What did he say on the phone earlier?” She takes the drink he places in her hands. Her lip quivers as she remembers the phone call earlier. “He’s at work. I’m not sure why he called. Maybe to see if I was still there. He spoke in a low tone, like he was gritting his teeth. ‘You’re married to me, and that’s the way it is. You don’t get to leave. Stop whining. Take care of that house and those six kids you had to have. That’s your life now.’ He threatened he would make my life a living hell if I left. I hung up the phone on him. I didn’t say a word . . . just slammed the receiver down.”

Jared sighs and places the drink in front of her. “That son of a bitch. Let him stew awhile. You can’t go back there now. Arguing is one thing, but he’s violent and threatening. Was he always like this?”

Tears well in her eyes again as she picks up her drink and takes a couple of big gulps. “No, not before we married. He was a completely different person. The day we got married, everything changed. Like Jekyll and Hyde.”

“You’re staying here. For now. Will the kids be okay?”

Pam shakes her head, stands, and paces. Picturing their faces when she doesn’t come home makes her ache. “The kids will be upset if I don’t come home. But you’re right, I can’t. I can’t go back there right now.”

She pauses, sits down again, and leans back, taking long, deep breaths. She sits forward and rubs her hand over the swollen cut on her face that is slowly turning from red to a darker blue.

“They’ll be okay for a little while—until we figure this out.”

Pam calls the Inn the next day, informing them she would be out for the week. Ned has no idea where she is and finally quits calling their friends and relatives to find her. Pam and Jared take the rest of the week to plan their future together.

At the end of the first week at the apartment, Jared comes home after his shift, slurring his words, and pours himself another drink. His actions concern Pam. They’ve discussed his drinking before, and he always promises he’ll slow down. It’s worse than she ever imagined.

“Jared, maybe you don’t need that. It’s time for bed.”

He sways, while pouring too much into the glass. “One more, and I’ll sleep well. You know . . . people are looking for you. Everyone asks me, ‘Where’s Pam? Have you seen her?’”

Her stomach twists. “And what do you say?”

“I say, ‘Pam who?’”

He laughs and falls onto the couch as liquor sloshes down the front of his shirt. “Whoops.”

Her body trembles. “You drove home like this?”

He waves his hand in a carefree manner towards her.

She fights the urge to cry. “This isn’t funny, it’s dangerous. Come on, I’ll help you to the room.”

“Alright, alright. Don’t be mad. I’m going to quit.”

Chapter 6

The following morning, Pam lifts her head off the pillow. Jared lies in the same position as last night. Fear runs through her, and she grabs his arms, shaking him.

“Jared!” She slaps his face again, and nothing. “No, no! Damn you! Wake up!”

She races to the kitchen, fills a glass of water, and throws it on his face. Finally, he responds and opens his eyes in a daze.

Her shoulders relax, and her panic subsides. “Jared!” She sits on the end of the bed, glaring at him with fear etched onto her face. “Are you trying to die on me? How can you do this now?”

He struggles to sit up and keep his eyes open, while clearing his mind. He massages his forehead and leans against the headboard.

“Honey, can I have some water? But . . . for drinking this time. And some aspirin.”

“Sure, Jared. But this is it, no more. You told me you were going to quit drinking. You’re a heavy drinker, and clearly, it’s a problem. You need to stop.”

He winces. “Pam, please. I will, starting today. I’m sorry. We’re about to take a big step, and I won’t lie. I’m panicking.”

“I’ve been with you for two and a half years. I have never seen you like this.”

She looks to him, yearning for an answer. He closes his eyes, pops the aspirin into his mouth, and drinks the entire glass of water. He frowns and shakes his head.

“It’s not as simple as just quitting. I want a drink right now, and I feel like shit, and it’s all that’ll help—but I won’t have one.” He peers up at her. “I haven’t been honest with you, and I’m sorry.”

“What are you trying to say?”

He sighs heavily. “I didn’t think this could happen to me again after . . . I’m an alcoholic, Pam. When I quit, I’ll go through withdrawal. That’s why I’m still drinking. I thought we had more time, and I wasn’t ready to stop yet.”

She stomps into the bathroom, washes her face, and stares at her reflection. What am I doing? Wearily, she returns to the room. Presuming the world wants her to suffer, she descends into the chair as anger and fear build within her.

“We’ve been discussing this for months, leaving together and starting a new life.” She throws her hands up. “So, this entire time, you understood you should stop drinking, yet you kept going. My god, where have I been?”

“I’ll take care of this, please relax. I thought we had more time, but that’s not the case anymore.”

“Jared, take care of this! You talk like it’s a minor thing!” She springs up, glaring. “I’m supposed to get the kids and meet you back here later. How is this happening now? What the hell am I doing?”

“Pam, please! It’ll be okay, I promise. I’m worried about this next step.”

He stands up and clutches her hands, guiding her to sit back on the bed.

“Look at me, please, honey. I’m frightened, and I love you. It won’t be easy, but I promise I can be better for you. Let me try for us.”

“I’m scared too, Jared. Not even scared, I’m terrified! Why haven’t you stopped already? Anytime you pour a drink, are you even thinking of me? Swear you’re done with this, or I’ll leave for good.”

“I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted. You’re my world. I won’t take another drink. Please give me a chance to prove it. We’ll postpone one week so I can get well, then move forward with the plan.”

“These withdrawals—you’ve been through it before?”

“Once. A while back. A few years before I met you.”

“Why did you start again, and why did you keep this from me?”

“It’s complicated, sweetheart, but I quit after a long binge. At that time, I assumed the withdrawals came because of that binge. I didn’t think I was a full-blown alcoholic.”

He walks to the window while folding his arms across his chest and gazes out at the bright, spring day. The sun illuminates stray pieces of his black hair and face, enhancing his sharp jawline. “When things went sour again with Jill, I had a few. It wasn’t every day or heavy, so I thought I was fine.”

Sensing his pain, she imagines a future where he’s strong and in control. “When did you suspect you weren’t fine? I want to know everything.”

“Okay.”

He sits down, sighs, and tells his story of the first break with Jill and how missing his boys affected him. She threw him out and wanted nothing to do with him, and the pain of that sent him on a drinking binge.

“Living in a motel, one night I blacked out, and it took several days to come back from it. I went through withdrawals then. “

He pauses for a moment. “Pam, can I please have some more water, maybe coffee?”

She goes to the kitchen and returns with a pitcher of water. She places it on the dresser and pours him a glass. “The coffee is brewing.”

“Thank you, honey.” Jared sighs and rubs his head. “It’s gonna be a long day. Maybe go home for now, and when I’m better, we can continue with our plans.”

“No, I’m not leaving yet! Why haven’t you mentioned any of this to me before?”

“I’m not one to show my weak side.” He hesitates. “Your love is so unexpected and so real. When I’m with you, the world disappears, but it’s now coming at a greater cost.”

“Your boys?”

“Yes, I’m worried about leaving them, moving far. I had hoped for a better solution with Ned, but there isn’t one. I’ve leaned on alcohol to give me the courage.”

“If you can’t. . . if you can’t leave your children, I’ll understand. I don’t want you to hurt for them.”

Jared looks down. “I’m torn, beautiful. If I lost you, that would end me. I can’t lose you.”

Pam gives him a half-smile. “I don’t want to lose you either. How can we fix this?”

“Just like we planned. You need to get away from him, and I need to keep you safe, so that’s what I’ll do. I’ll call my boys and visit whenever possible. We’ll make this work.”

“No more drinking? You acknowledge the problem?”

“From this day on, no alcohol. I’ll be better, I promise. Can you trust me?”

“Yes, I love you, but please don’t let me down. I’m putting all my faith in you.”

Pam squeezes his hand and moves to the door. She takes a deep breath and looks back at him.

“I’m with you now. When you’re better, I’ll get the kids, and we’ll go. Go take a shower. I’ll make you food and bring the coffee. You’re not fighting through this alone.”

Later that evening, she covers Jared as he sleeps. He’s right, the pain of getting sober is unbearable to witness, but he’s her life now, and soon they’ll make the break and start over. She leans back in the chair, waiting for him to go through another round of shakes, shivering, and pain, thinking of the day they met.

IT’S JANUARY 1965. Pam dresses in a blue-green A-line dress with short sleeves, white boots, and a white headband. Her green eyes popped as a result. She hummed as she styled her hair into a flip that lightly brushed her shoulders.

Late that afternoon, before the night crowd arrived, only two people sat at a corner table. Soft music played, and she hummed along to the song, “April Love.” While cutting lemons and oranges, a man entered the bar area. Without lifting her head, she catches the tall man out of the corner of her eye.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m Jared Murray, the new bartender.”

After a quick glance at him, she focused on the orange again, then nonchalantly turned her head back towards him. In awe of his looks, she promptly turned around, grabbed a towel and a glass from the dish rack, and dried it.

“Are you the new full-time bartender?”

“Yes,” he bowed his head slightly, “I am.” Wednesday to Sunday.”

“Okay, great.”

With a crooked smile and one dark eyebrow narrowed, he said, “I think that glass is dry now.”

Pam giggled, set it aside, and picked up another one to dry. She put the second glass on the counter, tossed the towel over the sink, and held out her hand.

“I’m Pam. Welcome, Mr. Murray. You’ll work with me on Wednesdays and Thursdays, then again on alternating Saturdays. My husband, Ned, works in the kitchen.”

“Well, it’s absolutely fabulous to meet you, Pam. Guess I’ll look forward to working with a beautiful woman with a husband who works in the kitchen, then.”

Warmth crept onto her face. She was thankful that the lights were dim; she was sure her face was bright red. Jared pulled out a cigarette and lit it. The flame reflected in his dazzling brown eyes. He smiled and gazed at her through the light grey streams of smoke drifting across his face.

She ignored his smile and continued to give him a rundown of how things operate. The intense concentration and playful banter with one another become noticeable by the couple sitting at a table, watching as if captivated by a blockbuster movie.

Pam experienced something she’d never felt before. An intense electrical charge ran through her like a lightning bolt when they touched. How can I work with him while entertaining this crazy attraction?

As much as they both tried to suppress these feelings, flames ignited between them. Wednesday couldn’t come fast enough. Even after weeks of working together, nothing slowed down, and nothing changed. Every move and conversation between the two was effortless.  

One evening, while they were both working, a heavy storm developed. Most of the customers had gone by 9:00 p.m. Carl, the owner, offered them shelter until the storm passed. They both accepted, and Carl expressed they should make themselves at home.

Standing in the dim hallway, they exchanged smiles before making their way to the kitchen.

Jared said, “Let me make you something to eat. Unless you’re tired and want to go rest.”

Pam replied, “I’d love some food. I’ll close the bar first.”

After she completed that task, she entered the kitchen. Jared stood at the stove with his sleeves rolled up, his vest and tie lying over a chair. Sitting in front of him are two plates of waffles covered in blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries with syrup and whipped cream.

Pam laughed. “Looks appetizing.”

Jared handed her a glass of champagne. “Cheers to a whopping storm that allowed me to have a sweet meal with my beautiful friend!”

Pam clinked her glass with his. “Cheers! Was your wife okay with your staying over?”

“Yeah, she doesn’t care. Half the time, she’s happier I stay away.”

“I guess we’re both in a bad spot in the marriage arena. Do you think there’s hope for a resolution?”

“I don’t know what happened with her; she only cares about the boys. She never visits friends, her family is never around anymore—me, I’m invisible. I’ve tried for six years, and nothing.”

“I’m sorry. I’m familiar with living in a place you’re sure will never change.”

He took a sip of the champagne and poured her another glass. The champagne bubbled to the tip of the glass.

“Where did you learn to make these delicious waffles?”

“My mother taught me to cook. She insisted I learn because she couldn’t stand the thought of me starving in some college dorm.”

“Where did you go to college?”

“I went to New York State for a while. I juggled school and work for a few years. One day, it dawned on me that I hated school. So, I quit, learned everything about restaurant management, and built a decent career working in high-end restaurants. That’s when I met Jill.”

Pam took a bite of her waffle and grinned. “So good! Where’s your mother now?”

“She passed away a couple of years ago. Cancer. She couldn’t beat it this time.”

“I’m sorry. My mother died about six years ago, right after my second child was born. Doctors found a tumor in her brain. It’s still so hard to accept.”

Jared shared a somber look with her. “What about your dad?”

“Dad is well. He lives in Pittsburgh with his second wife—both are doing fine.”

They finished their waffles and enjoyed the champagne. The wind howled, and the snow was piling up.

Pam said, “It’s really coming down out there.”

Jared avoided small talk; instead, he reached out, held her hand, and met her gaze.

“Pam, I’m crazy about you. Please tell me to stop if you want, but you’re all I think about since the day I walked through that door.”

“It’s the same for me. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s like I’ve known you forever.”

“I don’t have the right to ask you this. Maybe it’s not fair, but I want to love you. I want to spend as much time with you as possible. But I can’t leave my wife or my boys. I don’t think I could do it.”

“I understand. I couldn’t leave my kids either. I want you with every breath I take, and I’d rather have some of you than none of you.”

Chapter 7

On a Friday after school, Laura follows behind her siblings down the long, dilapidated driveway. Gray clouds cover the sky, and the air is muggy. Rain is coming soon. An unfamiliar car is parked in front of the house, like the one they saw their mom driving two weeks earlier.

Inside, Mom sits at the dining table writing a letter. Sammy and Donny play on the floor, flipping through picture books. Folded clothes and a grocery bag with toiletries cover part of the table. The iron and ironing board sit out with steam hissing out the top.

The kids toss their books and sweaters by the door. Mom stands to greet them. Laura clings tight, her heart soaring. The others embrace her with excitement.

Darlene asks, “Where were you?!”

Glen asks, “Why did you stay away so long?!”

Laura beams. “Can we have spaghetti tonight?”

Everyone questions her except for Katie. Laura wonders why Katie hangs by the entryway, glaring with a scowl.

Finally, Katie speaks up. “Does Dad know you picked up Sammy and Donny? Because if he doesn’t, he’s gonna be so pissed.”

“Katie!” Mom blurts out, then sighs.

“Don’t speak that way to me ever! I understand you’re upset. I’m sorry. It’s been a tough couple of weeks for all of us. I want you all to listen to me. Come sit down.”

Laura drops cross-legged, and the others huddle around on the floor. Mom and Darlene sit together on the small avocado-green sofa. Mom picks up Donny and sets him on her lap, and Sammy crawls up next to Darlene. Once she has their full attention, and after taking in a deep breath, she exhales slowly and lets her words flow.

“Kids, some things are changing with our family. Your father and I cannot live together anymore. Some of us must go somewhere else. It wasn’t an easy decision, but there’s no other way.”

Terror forms in Laura’s mind, and chills rip through her entire body. She throws herself at her mother and grabs onto her.

Laura begs and shakes her head. “No, why? Are you taking me? Don’t go away!”

Mom holds Laura’s face in her hands. “You’ll be okay. I’ll be back for you, I promise.”

Laura steps back while her older siblings ask questions, one after the other, listening for answers, hoping. She’s trembling now, her stomach nauseous, and she can’t stop the fear taking over her mind.

Darlene pleads. “Mom, what do you mean? ‘Some of us’ living in a different place?”

Laura watches her brother as his fists clench and his anger builds. “What the hell’s going on?!” Glen screeches.

“Kids, everything will be okay. We’ll get through this.”

Katie scowls under her breath while twisting her hands together, and her demanding voice overpowers the room. “You can’t just leave! Who’s going with you? You’re leaving some of us? When will we see each other?”

As Katie questions, Mom searches the room like she’s trying to find an answer for her.

Mom says, “Darlene, I need you to pack your things quickly, then come back downstairs. I’ll pack Donny and Sammy’s things, and then we’ll go.”

Darlene slides Sammy off her lap and down onto the floor. She scrambles back up and turns to her mom.

Sammy asks, “Will we come back, Mommy? Can you take us all?”

Mom sighs and pulls Sammy close. “I love you all. Don’t worry, we won’t be far. We’ll always visit each other. I’ll come back for the others soon, okay?”

Glen presses his lips tightly together, his hands still in fists, and his arms straight down by his side. He paces the room several times, seething as Laura cries, and Katie makes snide remarks.  

Glen asks with tears in his eyes and anger in his voice, “Mom, does Dad know you’re leaving?”

She doesn’t acknowledge or respond. He stares at her while she adds more items to a bag.

Glen raises his voice. “Mother! Does Dad know?”

“Yes, he knows. But I need to be gone before he comes home so things don’t go haywire.”

She apologizes and moves in to hug him, but he pushes away. She takes a step back. “Glen, please help your sisters. They’ll need you. Can you do that for me?”

“You’re asking me to take care of your children. I’m a kid. I’m only twelve! I need you! But you . . . you just go!”

“I’m so sorry. I hope one day you’ll understand why I had to do this.”

Glen turns his back on her and runs outside, slamming the kitchen door behind him. Katie follows.

Mom hurries into her room to collect more items. Laura remains frozen on the couch, sobbing while gazing at Donny and Sammy as they play on the floor. Her mind fills with questions. Mom’s taking them, so they’ll be okay. Will I ever see them again? How long?

Sammy talks to Donny, holding his hands, and repeats everything their mom explained earlier.

Laura begs and pleads to God under her breath. “Please, please, please, don’t let her go, don’t let her leave me here with him. I’m scared, please, please, please!”

Mom returns minutes later, and for a split second, Laura imagines she’ll stay. She watches her mother enter the play area, pick up Donny, and takes Sammy by the hand. Glen and Katie are still outside on a lounge chair.

Darlene approaches Laura and hugs her. “Don’t fuss. We’ll be back soon to visit you. It’ll be okay. Don’t cry.”

Mom says, “I promise I won’t leave you for long. I’ll call you lots, and we’ll come back for you.”

Laura stands and stiffens like a soldier, unyielding, with tears pouring down her face. “WHY! Why do you keep saying that? I’m afraid of Dad. Please take me! I don’t want to stay here with him!” The cries come harder as she gulps air and shouts. “MOM!”

“It will be alright. We must go now.” Mom picks up the last bag and leaves the room. Outside, she puts Donny and Sammy in the back seat with the rest of the bags. Laura runs after her and grabs onto her, bellowing, trying to speak.

Between breaths, she cries, “Please . . . Mommy . . . Mom . . . don’t go. Please don’t.”

“I promise, Laura, I’ll come back for you.”

Mom turns to Darlene and instructs her to get in the car. Darlene looks at Laura with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Mom pulls away from Laura, trying to reach the driver’s door. Laura grips her shirt, begging her not to leave. She tries to breathe between the uncontrollable cries and gasps, letting out more screams.

“No, Mommy! No!”

Mom pries Laura’s fingers from her shirt, but Laura instantly grabs hold again with both hands, using all her might. The chiffon fabric tears, and Mom takes Laura by the arms and pushes her into Glen. He struggles to get hold of her, using all his strength to hold her back while she fights to keep hold of her mother’s shirt. She begs, as if her life is over.

Mom finally frees herself from Laura’s grasp and gets into the station wagon before Laura can grab on again. Glen holds his sister tightly as Mom puts the car in drive, hits the gas, and heads up the driveway, leaving behind the smell of exhaust. Glen releases Laura, and she drops to the ground. She peers through pieces of her hair stuck to her face from tears and sweat as the car disappears from the long driveway.

Laura puts her head down to the ground and cries. After a few minutes pass, Glen pulls on her arm. She reaches for his hand, and he raises her. Katie can no longer control her tears as they splash onto the ground. The three children stand close together in the driveway, heartbroken, in disbelief.

Light rain falls. Katie holds her hand out to Laura. She grabs on, and the three walk back inside together. They return to the room where, minutes earlier, Donny and Sammy had played. Laura curls up on the couch, folding her arms across her stomach as the tears continue to flow. Katie picks up a blanket and gently lays it over her sister and smooths back the tear-soaked hair from her face.

Glen and Katie try to console her, but it’s not working. She continues to weep on and off, while she imagines her mom coming home.

Glen comes back into the room. “I called Dad and told him what was happening.”

“What did he say?” asks Katie.

“He told me he would be here as soon as possible.”

Laura asks, “Will Dad bring Mom back? Please say he will.”